melsamei's Cancer Blog
October 9, 2007
| I must be crazy.... | Views: 10841 |
I think chemotherapy killed my brain cells and all reasoning. Over the weekend, I went to my 20th high school reunion. What was I thinking! I could not remember anyone. I kept thumbing through an annual to see if I could remember and it was no use. Somehow, I managed to party like a rock star and stay out until 2 am. Again, what was I thinking! My best friend from high school (who is still my best friend) had a great time. She was always more social than I. I spent Sunday in bed and resting.
Monday, my daughter had no school. I took her and a friend to the State Fair of Texas. It seemed pretty crowded due to a Jonas Brothers Band performance but I could not remember if the fair was always crowded (I go every year) or if it was exceptionally crowded. We ate the obligatory corny dog, funnel cake, and chili cheese fries. Rode the rides and played games to win treasures. Then on to the concert. Of course, I lost my mind and we had no plan in case of separation. We got separated! A sea of 20,000 screaming girls, ages 8 to 13, and parents. I hoped my daughter and her friend were together. Can you imagine? I lost my daughter and someone else’s child. I started imagining all the horrible things that could happen. It took at least 20 minutes for me to calm down. I knew that I would have to wait out the concert. Another 20 minutes of pop pre-teen music and the event was over. The crowd cleared out and my cell phone rang. My poor child was crying hysterically and she was at the lost childrens center on the other side of the concert stage. I picked up both girls and we finished the day. They never lost sight of me again. Pre-cancer, I would never have taken girls to a concert. I really think chemotherapy killed my brain.
05.04.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
How scary! I got rid of my chemo dead brain by drinking ZanGo Juice. I dont understand how it works but it does. REST! Sue
I’m sorry you had to go through that. At least you found your daughter and her friend.
I know it’s frustrating to feel like you don’t have the memory you used to have before chemo.
I get so mad when I can’t remember something simple. Then I will be talking to some of my friends that will be just as forgetful in their thoughts that didn’t have chemo then I don’t feel so bad. At least I have an excuse “chemo brain” ha ha
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve experienced that panic before. Losing a child in a crowd of people is terrifying! Don’t beat yourself up over it though. It’s something I think we’ve all had or will have happen to us in our lifetime.
Regarding the “chemo brain” comment: I totally can relate. I think that anyone who has been through chemotherapy, where you’re told that the drugs being injected into your system for months on end “could” cause a decrease in your white blood cells, muscle and joint aches, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, burning to your surrounding skin or tissue, heart problems, sensitivity to the sun, mouth sores, diarrhea, change in taste, allergic reaction, numbness or tingling in fingers and toes… and (the best of all) hair loss – could also say that these drugs might have an effect on our brain power. Our bodies have been through so much, not just with chemo, but with surgeries, taking all kinds of other prescription drugs, radiation, and just pure maddening stress from the fact that we could’ve “died” from this… is enough to make any of us become a little forgetful from time to time. I myself sometimes have trouble putting together my sentences or finding the right words when I’m talking… it’s very frustrating! I don’t know if it’s because of chemo, or because of all the stress we’ve experienced. I think it’ll get better though! I’m crossing my fingers! I’m glad you had a good time at your 20 year reunion! You deserve it!
Are you OK? Havent posted in awhile. I hope your all right. Sue