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 melsamei's Cancer BlogJuly 14, 2008
I am now firmly 1 year cancer free. Last year at this time, I was barely able to drive a car. It is amazing how fast time goes. I have met many women and ran across a breast cancer patient this evening. She was sporting a bald head and I immediately showed her my full head of hair. She was amazed at the thickness after 1 year. Last summer my neck was nice and cool, now the heat is unbearable. Of course, I have developed a raging case of eczema on my scalp and it is not pleasant to treat. Next, I am definitely feeling the financial strains of surviving cancer. I finally gave in and helped a friend close the doors of a business I started but he took over when I was diagnosed. Unfortunately, most of my key employees left him during my treatment and I tried to go back to work last year but I no longer have any drive or desire to work hard. The business that I loved no longer holds any interest for me. My phone number is published and I received some nasty phone calls from customers but what can you do? I am trying to dream a different life and job. One that will allow me to spend more time at home and make a living. I guess I am living in a dream. Anyway, I went to an event and I am going to do some freelance travel writing. It should be interesting. I will see how it goes. I have never been published and do not know if I can write a spellbinding article. Anyway, I have been in the doldrums which I never experienced during cancer but I really feel it now. I am sure it will pass. 
June 1, 2008
To all readers, I am making a journey to the middle east. First stop, Dubai then onto Iran. I have some business to do in both countries. Since I survived cancer, I need to figure out how to make a living. My daughter and I leave for New York tomorrow then onto Dubai the following day. I will be keeping a travel blog at www.vacationmama.typepad.com. I will try to post some of the journey on this website as well. I am really concerned about the plane flight and lymphedema. I have my compression sleeve ready. The physical therapist said most people do really well with the sleeve. I am already fat. I do not need an extra fat arm as well. Also, it will be my first trip to Dubai/Iran. I am a little nervous about the customs. I have read a lot of material but it is always an adventure to go somewhere new. Wow. You are brave indeed. You go girl! See the world. It is a wonderful place. Iran? Do you have family there?
May 24, 2008
The school year is finished. Yeah! Trying on swimsuits, Boo! My daughter has completed 5th grade and managed to be a honor roll student all year. I will gladly accept the grades that we worked for. The end of the year project was a parade float. Our state was New York and we chose a Broadway theme. Complete with music (thanks to ipod and idoc). As a non-craft oriented parent, the float was acceptable and made it through the parade. Next, I am trying to work from home. What a chore! It is not as easy as I thought. I no longer have any drive or desire to work hard. I have worked my entire life and I liked being busy. After a year of being sick (chemo., surgery, reconstruction), I just want to lay in bed. I am not motivated to do anything. Cook, clean, exercise, etc. Although I have been exercising and while I have achieved minimal weight loss, I am rebuilding the strength my body once posessed. It is very difficult to have been a semi-athletic person and try to regain some type of athletic ability after cancer. I am not very patient and the weight loss process seems to be very slow. Lymphedema, my next hurdle. It is not in my arm but in my back just around the bra line. Imagine, no compression sleeve or assistance. Physical therapy has been helpful but not a total relief. Part of my exercise issue lies with the uncomfortable lymphedema. How do you adjust to the new normal? I try to push past the discomfort but sometimes I give up. I am sure if I could shake another 10 pounds off the scale, it would be better. I would also be happier about the swimsuit scenario. Finally, I am a city person that lives across the street from a floodplain and creek. A large bobcat, 40 pounder, decided to call my front porch home last night. It rolled around and took a nap for several hours before careening back to the wilderness. A brave person may have opened the door but my 2 little dogs may have raced out and made a tasty dinner for the feline. I called game and wildlife but no one came and I am hoping the animal has decided to stay in the wilderness. I hope everyone has a fun weekend. I will be trying to eat healthy and exercise. Mel Good to hear from you. I know that you are a strong person and with help from your family, you will get through this time of your life. Hug Sherri
March 26, 2008
I had my final stage of reconstruction on Monday. The nipple reconstruction. I can not imagine how I will look with the nipples. I am used to seeing myself without them. Also, I can not remember what I used to look like. The surgery was pretty simple however, I had a bad nurse that could not run the i.v. in my foot on the first try. It took her several attempts. Also, I was originally scheduled for this procedure as in office with local. I had to request general. I can not imagine being awake for 90 minutes watching the doctor. It is amazing how quickly a year goes by. Last year, I was trying to decide on what type of surgery. I had not even considered mastectomy, let alone bilateral. Now, I have to concentrate on losing the 20 pounds I gained last year. Where did the weight come from? It is extremely difficult to take off. I have been watching my diet and exercising but the scale does not budge. I have been watching everyone else’s blogs even though I have not posted in a long time. The emotions have finally caught up with me and I am having a difficult time resuming life. The new normal is hard to accept. I now have some physical limitations. I have to be careful with my right arm. These are the things I never considered during treatment and I have to accept. One day at a time.
Posted on March 26, 2008 at 6:57:48 AM by Melissa Samei (
 Final Stages of Reconstruction,  3 comments)
congrats on the new set of nipples. Hug sherri Yes, breast cancer and chemo is rough on your body especially with the Adriamycin. I am glad it didn’t damage your heart muscle as it did mine. It works on your emotions also. I don’t know where the weight comes from either but it is hard to get off. I’m so glad to hear you’re in the final stages of your breast reconstruction. I have a long way to go since I had opted to do radiation and now have to wait a year for my skin to heal. I just had a prophylactic mastectomy about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Now, I have nothing! It’s pretty sad. Oh well. I’m looking forward to getting some cleavage someday. How did the whole process go for you? I had a lot of discomfort with the expander they put in on the right side. Does it get much worse? You can tell me the truth! Anyways, glad to hear you’re almost done with this phase of your life. Now the “normal” part is the next trick to get under control. I personally had to go and see a doctor because I was in such bad shape. Physically – I’m fine, mentally – I was falling apart over what’s happened to me in the past year. I am taking effexor (which doesn’t cause any weight gain). Anyways, don’t know what you think about this type of medication – but it does take the edge off and I’m living a much easier life now.
December 29, 2007
I have finally recovered from having the silicone gel implants placed last week. I had read all the blogs about testing over the holidays, well I had surgery before the Christmas holiday. I wanted to get the surgery on this years insurance. I can not tell if I am going to like the new boobs. They look pretty good and feel a lot better than the expanders. I think my expectations were too high. I need to be patient and wait for a few weeks to decide if I like the new breasts. In clothes, they look great. Most people would never know that I was a cancer patient or that I had a bilateral mastectomy. I have read the many blogs about medical appointments the last week of the year. I get to see the plastic surgeon on New Years’ Eve for my post surgical visit. For anyone having this procedure, I recommend to invest in a really comfortable zip-front sports bra. The surgical bra is not very comfortable and it is recommended to wear the bra 24/7 for several weeks. I hope everyone has a good New Year! I will be on a major diet as I have gained 20 pounds post chemo. My metabolism and hormones are so off base that I hired a personal trainer to help me get back in shape and jump start my metabolism. Happy New Year! Melissa, Hey my name is zara milligan i am doing a paper for my english 12 class dealing with breast cancer and i need your help. I am supopst to interview 3 people who have had or are living with breat cancer. I need to know how it has changed your life. I also need to know whatever you want to tell me about your experience please email me at zara_692002@yahoo.com with imformation i support all of you and hope all is weel and god bless.
December 12, 2007
It is that time of year. The annual Christmas photo. In the past, I have always had a photo of my daughter and the dogs. I decided to make a family photo this year. Well, I looked soooo old and haggard in the photos that no amount of touch ups or air brushing would work. I will definitely have botox and restalyne injections before I ever have another professional photo taken. The pictures of my daughter and dogs were darling. My other big gripe is when did things become so outrageously expensive. I had sticker shock at the photo studio. The cards, the printing, the photos, etc. It seemed to cost a lot more than the past few years. I feel the same way about Christmas shopping. When did the price tag of shoes and handbags go through the roof? I was at the mall this weekend and the shoes on sale were $500 – $800. More amazing still, people were laden with shopping bags filled with all of this merchandise. I noticed the same scenario at American Girl where nothing was on sale. I must be in the wrong line of work. I am on a tight budget this year. The fiduciary burden of cancer has taken its toll. Anyway, once I receive my photos, I will scan the darling photos of my daughter and dogs. The photographer loves my little dogs because they are always wearing costumes. I know what you mean about looking old… I think since my diagnosis I’ve aged about 10 years! Our Christmas photo is a family shot… but thankfully it’s not a close-up! Looking forward to seeing pictures of your daughter and dogs. Happy holidays!
December 9, 2007
I went for my 6 month checkup this week. What is the point? I had a thorough poking and prodding by my doctor and a rescheduling for 4 months. Apparently, the new concensus is that blood tests, scans, etc. do not really detect anything at this juncture. I guess, if you had a large tumor develop it could be detected by hand. Fortunately, I look really healthy. My hair is growing back really fast and I am fatter. Somehow, I managed to gain 20 pounds after chemotherapy. Anyway, I am trying to exercise and eat healthy. Of course, I am still taking all the crazy green juices as well as MonaVie. I put a lot of effort into my diet and nutrition daily. No wonder people are not healthy. It is a full time job to plan a menu, shop for the meal, prepare the meal, clean up. I spend half my day preparing healthy food. Juicing is a huge chore as well. Preparing the vegetables & fruits, making the juice, then clean up. My next surgery is Dec. 18th. I get to see the plastic surgeon (my favorite doctor). I love going to his office. I guess liposuction will be next on my list. I do not know what to do about my weight. I try to exercise but the expanders and lymph node side really bother me. It is not easy. Maybe the new boobies will be better. I hope everyone has a good holiday! At our health food store they have jars of juices already made up for you…so if juicing is a pain (I know it is) maybe you could buy some of these. I do. BTW your look beautiful with your short hair!Melissa,
November 25, 2007
It seems odd to call my 1 year anniversary a celebration. Is it a celebration that I lived through chemotherapy, mastectomy, and now reconstruction? It is strange that I have endured so much in a short time. Where did the time go? Was my energy soooo focused on healing that I was oblivious to the world around me? I have not posted for a very long time. I went back to work and I have not had an extra second. I am trying to find a balance between work and home. I can no longer work the marathon 12-14 hours day of my past. I will never again jeopardize my immune system. How do so many single women manage a family, home, and career? It is overwhelming to me. My dearest cousin had a hip replacement(she is only 35yrs old). I have been preparing meals for her and trying to help drive her kids to school. She has a really lovely husband and 2 young children. Since, I am kind of working and work for myself it was easy to help her. I flew in my nephew from Florida and he had a great time with my daughter. We slept late, went to the movies, and played video games for an entire week. Before cancer, I would never have laid in bed until noon. Now, it is a great luxury. One of my little dogs got sick over the holidays. Too much turkey. I have now decided the worst thing in the world is a dog with diarrhea. Not a pleasant thing to clean up! I had to confine her to a kennel. She is very upset. We are going to the vet tomorrow. She will definitely need a bath as well. My poor baby! My reconstructive surgery is Dec. 18. I am really looking forward to the silicone gel implants. The surgery date is terrible. Just before Christmas. I will be busy trying to purchase presents. The surgery is a day surgery but I am not sure about the recovery. I will keep everyone posted.
Posted on November 25, 2007 at 6:03:06 PM by Melissa Samei (
Cancer Celebration, sick dog and more...., 0 comments)
October 9, 2007
I think chemotherapy killed my brain cells and all reasoning. Over the weekend, I went to my 20th high school reunion. What was I thinking! I could not remember anyone. I kept thumbing through an annual to see if I could remember and it was no use. Somehow, I managed to party like a rock star and stay out until 2 am. Again, what was I thinking! My best friend from high school (who is still my best friend) had a great time. She was always more social than I. I spent Sunday in bed and resting. Monday, my daughter had no school. I took her and a friend to the State Fair of Texas. It seemed pretty crowded due to a Jonas Brothers Band performance but I could not remember if the fair was always crowded (I go every year) or if it was exceptionally crowded. We ate the obligatory corny dog, funnel cake, and chili cheese fries. Rode the rides and played games to win treasures. Then on to the concert. Of course, I lost my mind and we had no plan in case of separation. We got separated! A sea of 20,000 screaming girls, ages 8 to 13, and parents. I hoped my daughter and her friend were together. Can you imagine? I lost my daughter and someone else’s child. I started imagining all the horrible things that could happen. It took at least 20 minutes for me to calm down. I knew that I would have to wait out the concert. Another 20 minutes of pop pre-teen music and the event was over. The crowd cleared out and my cell phone rang. My poor child was crying hysterically and she was at the lost childrens center on the other side of the concert stage. I picked up both girls and we finished the day. They never lost sight of me again. Pre-cancer, I would never have taken girls to a concert. I really think chemotherapy killed my brain. How scary! I got rid of my chemo dead brain by drinking ZanGo Juice. I dont understand how it works but it does. REST! Sue I’m sorry you had to go through that. At least you found your daughter and her friend. I get so mad when I can’t remember something simple. Then I will be talking to some of my friends that will be just as forgetful in their thoughts that didn’t have chemo then I don’t feel so bad. At least I have an excuse “chemo brain” ha ha I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve experienced that panic before. Losing a child in a crowd of people is terrifying! Don’t beat yourself up over it though. It’s something I think we’ve all had or will have happen to us in our lifetime. Are you OK? Havent posted in awhile. I hope your all right. Sue
September 20, 2007
I forgot to add on my photos that I am wearing a wig. I was completely against the idea of a wig because most look so fake. I really loved this one. I purchased another that I did not wear. Also, I wore a lot of turbans and scarves. I loved the turbans and plan to wear them again in the fall. They will definitely look better with some hair showing. Princess Caroline of Monaco has been sporting turbans and made them very chic! Many wig shops carry a great selection of turbans. I preferred the turban to a scarf because it stayed in place. Do not think that only old ladies wear turbans. I think it looks great… You can’t even tell. I think the wig looks very good on you. I’m with you on turbans. I chose not to wear a wig when I was going through hard chemo. I opted for turbans instead. They’re very chic. lol well i also think you are beautiful and if you didn’t tell me i wouldn’t know it was a wig… Hi Melissa,
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06.22.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Melissa,
Welcome home I hope your trip went well. I am sure that we are not the only one’s here feeling the financial strains of cancer. It seems that this monster attacks us in so many ways. I think you are on the right track…. Dream Big and don’t look back. I and many other here would love to here more about your plans. I have been lucky enough to travel and am sure you can inspire many with your writings. I would suggest that many here would love to read about your recent travels and provide support for your next adventure.
Cheers,
EyeCandy (Paul)
I like Paul’s comment. Dream big and don’t look back. I think more and more companies are allowing people to work from home. Mine does and it helps out so much.
Hi ,
Glade to know that you are cancer free .
Thanks for sharing your exeperience with us.
God bless you .
All good wishes,
Lorra .
I hope you can find work that can be done at home. One of my daughters works at home part time and it works out well for her. I hope you find something to do at home that you enjoy. Your little daughter will be so pleased to have you home I am sure.
Chemo kills the cancer cells but so much of the time it does damage in other areas that can’t be corrected. It caused me to have to change my lifestyle and learn how to live with that new lifestyle.
My love, thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Hugs,
Joyce
cancer free, god bless you.I’ve been fighting my cancer since dec 06. I was really optimistic till about a month ago when my doctor told me these kind of tumors always come back.I have a tumor on the edge of my pancreas which spread to my liver. through 8 wks of chemo I felt pretty good. I would go rummageig after with my mom and out to eat. But, I’ve been really depressed lately with noone to talk to about it. your blog I read and just needed to reach out to you. good luck with everything,writting I think you would be so inspirational to all. thankyou again for your blog.I will be checking in on it . I might be having surgery soon and yesterday I had a body scan and I am so scared if they found anything else. I find out tommorrow.
We need to Celebrate . Get the paper hat and and make a cake, I am happy for you, the first year is the the hardest to get through.
Happy Happy joy,joy.